Dirk Nowitzki: What I Know, What I Assume

Dirk Nowitzki is this guy.

Here is what I know about Dirk Nowitzki:

1. He is from Germany
2. He plays NBA basketball for the Dallas Mavericks.
3. He is probably one of the best all around players in the NBA.
4. He is currently playing in the finals against the Miami Heat.

Here is what I assume about Dirk Nowitzki:

1. He smokes unfiltered cigarettes.
2. He listens to Daft Punk before games.
3. He hates the Treaty of Versailles.
4. His brother is in the Spin Doctors. Also this.
5. He talks like the ogres from this show.
6. He has a recurring nightmare in which he is Pau Gasol.
7. He likes to fart in the bathtub.
8. He dresses like the Commander from Das Boot every Halloween.
9. He is one of those guys that is lucky because he can eat as much asparagus as he wants and his pee never stinks.

Now I am a sportswriter!