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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

How To Tell If You Are An Alien Part 2: Reader Response!

In April, I wrote about how to tell if you are an Alien, which you can read here. Suprisingly (or not so), several people have found the blog by typing something akin to 'how to tell if you are an alien' into Google (you would probably be surprised how many people find it by typing in Dirk Nowitzki smokes cigarettes). Anyhow, on my alien blog post, a person (or life form, I suppose) by the name of NYCGIRL - who I assume is connected to NYC somehow and a female - asked me several questions. I felt it would make sense to answer each question and turn it into a blog post. Her questions are in bold and my responses are below each question.

Does having a slightly turned-in fourth finger of each hand count? The fourth fingers of BOTH of my hands do, (so do those of all my relatives!)
Since you have relatives, you are probably not an alien. Aliens don't recognize blood relation as such, since the laying of massive eggs in a communal style makes it difficult to tell which baby alien is your progeny. This is of course, you meant to say "relatives" meaning not really relatives and thus makes it kind of a *wink wink* thing. Clever you.
How about being interested in the occult and paranormal?
No, there are a lot of weird humans interested in this. Besides, aliens would just refer to this a 'science' and 'normal.'
Being able to compose music on anything, given half an hour?
Woah, that is impressive! Even a package of after dinner mints? A collection of souvenir smashed pennies? Even if you just meant musical instruments, that is pretty damned impressive. That is like a super human power! You know who else have super human powers? Aliens.
Having the compassion of Mother Theresa at some times, and the ambition of Julius Caesar at others?
Aliens are known for their violent mood swings and inconsistent personality traits.
Liking "The Twilight Zone", "Alien Nation", and "Sweet Valley High", (because of the witty dialogue!)
Yes. Yes (but only if you wanted the Newcomers to kill everyone). Undecided.
Being unable to resist barbeque potato chips?
Try making (and eating) these. But seriously, are you really unable to resist barbecue potato chips? Do you sweat if you are unable to eat them? Are your fingers constantly stained from eating them? I watched this episode of a show where some lady was addicted to corn starch. She ate it constantly and it was super gross, and she was doing all this damage to herself by eating it. She ate like three boxes a day or something. That is way gross. If that is the way you are with barbecue potato chips, at least it is kind of excusable because barbecue potato chips are pretty good.
Hmmm..maybe I'm just a super-intelligent Human, (sigh...and disappointment! : )
What is that at the end of this sentence? Some weird alien signal to all your friends to attack my home or something?
Anyhoo, thanks for taking the time to write to me, Alienface.

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